Alice played by Ayesha Antoine

"I'm the organ grinder. How could I have expected you to have been able to successfully read a map without opposable thumbs?"


Alice is 27, middle class and university educated. She met Jon in the office admin job she temped in four years ago. She is driven in her career as a literary agent and recently just started as a junior in a big agency after doing well in smaller ones. Sharp-witted, foul-mouthed and an intelligent book lover, she enjoys socialising and meeting people. Loves Jon for his no-bullshit approach to most things, his sense of humour and his support for her when she's down. She gets frustrated with his lack of effort with people and his lack of confidence in his own (considerable but undeveloped) abilities. She is forthright and opinionated with (nearly) everyone. Her favourite cheese is Gratte-Paille.


Ayesha is best known for playing Poppy Silver in Grange Hill and Rachel Baptiste in Holby City. Other television credits include the role of Kelly Grogan in sitcom pilot Placebo, a husband-beating shoplifter in The Bill and as Dee Dee Blasco in the Doctor Who episode Midnight. Most recently, Ayesha appeared in Paul Whitehouse's series Down The Line, and the multi media comedy drama Mouth to Mouth for BBC Three.



Jon played by Andrew Hayden-Smith

"Grub shares your frustrations I think. The only woman he's been inside in the last five years was Dorothy Perkins."


Jon is 33, working class and left school at 16 to drift between a number of dead-end jobs. He's been in the latest office admin job for the last seven years. Sharp-witted, foul-mouthed and an intelligent film-lover, he's not naturally motivated to socialise. However, he wooed Alice through his humour and his acceptance of her as she is. He can be warm, kind and supportive to those he loves; but bitterly disparaging about those he doesn't like. Cares deeply for Alice even though his lack of motivation for housework sometimes belies this. His favourite cheese is Mini Babybel.


Andrew is no stranger to stage and screen, coming to prominence as ‘bad boy’ Ben Carter in the successful children’s series Byker Grove; and presenting segments on various television shows including CBBC, UK Top 40 and Live & Kicking. Recently he guest starred in Doctor Who as Jake Simmonds.



Keren played by Helen Oakleigh

"The male ego is a fragile hollow thing. I had a boyfriend who pouted for days after I cried out “Jesus” when I came. Just because I mentioned another man’s name."


Alice's past-the-knuckle best friend and colleague. She looks out for Alice and down at Jon. Sharp-witted, foul mouthed and an easy lover, Keren's obsessed with getting the next lay and doesn't care how she does it. Her favourite cheese is Longhorn.


Helen is a regular in the Fantom Films studios having starred in Spring Awakening, Gaslight and Ghosts as well as directing a number of Time Hunter talking books and The Wild Duck! Helen also co-directed Fight for the Remote.



Grub played by Daniel King

"Would you be offended if I threw up in your toilet?"


The enthusiastic, geeky best friend of Jon, Grub aims to be nice, polite and to do the right thing by everybody. He doesn't always succeed but gets three gold stars for trying. His favourite cheese is Laughing Cow Cheez Dippers Original.


Daniel is best known for his appearance in Doctor Who: The Unicorn and the Wasp as Davenport. He has also starred in the Fantom audio Night of the Wolf alongside Fenella Fielding. Daniel also performs with The Comedy Mutts, and has just completed a stint at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.



Mrs. Hamilton played by Ellen Thomas

"Two more years like this and his count will be in the single digits. Even if you do conceive, do you want all your children to be thin?"


A prim, socially superior middle class snob, Alice's mother is the one person who can turn the strong-minded young literary agent into a cowering, subservient piece of mush. Her favourite cheese is Gospel Green.


Ellen has a vast array of television and comedic credits however she is most fondly remembered her recurring role in the Channel 4’s Teachers as school secretary - Liz Webbe. Other credits include Coming of Age, Come Fly with Me, Rev., Doctor Who, Moses Jones, New Tricks, Outnumbered, Little Miss Jocelyn, French and Saunders, and The Lenny Henry Show. She is currently playing Grace Olubunmi in EastEnders.



Camp Raymond played by Keith Flood

"I once ejaculated on a tramp you know. You know what he said after? "Big Issue. Big Issue." Everyone's a critic."


Bombastic bisexual ageing actor Raymond De Havilland has turned children's writer. He was moderately successful before the whiskey became his daily friend and he started trying to hump the furniture. As the company's newest recruit, Alice has been given Camp Raymond as her one and only client and is constantly struggling to get him in the professional spotlight once more. His likes any cheese “soft enough to plunder with flesh tools.”


Keiths credits include Sir Leo Bisby in Requiem, Porno Roy in The Shop, King Lear in King Lear, A.C.C George Oldfield in The Yorkshire Ripper and Leonato in Much Ado about Nothing.